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TINU
‘That guy was kind,
right?’ I tell the baby who just rubs his tiny plump fists over his eyes, a
sure signal that he is about to sleep. I take him to a room and sit on a bed.
Placing the baby on my left shoulder, I slowly rock to and fro in a rhythm.
Sometimes it amazes me,
the speed in which I learnt to look after an infant. But I guess that is what
living alone does to you. You learn to take up responsibilities that seem
overwhelming at first. You learn to brush off the doubts that whisper – ‘Can
you do this?’ You learn to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Because there
is no one else to do it. This is probably why all the Ayyamma-s here say that I
am an old soul.
I do not have anything
to complain. I have made peace with my life. There was a time when I longed to
be with a loving family. I did get a glimpse of my fantasy for two years. It is
unfortunate that they had to return me. I do not begrudge them. They did what
they could do.
I did not let go of my
dream to be with another family again. Every time someone came to the
orphanage, I met them, hoping that this would be my new family. Too bad that by
the time I was returned to the orphanage, I was already 8 years old. I guess
there is an unspoken age-limit for adoption. I saw all my little friends getting
adopted one by one. Saying good-bye to them broke my heart. But Ayyamma here
says that they will have a good life with their new family.
The baby has fallen
asleep on my shoulder. I gently lift him and place him on the bed where, for
few seconds, he whines with closed eyes but manages to fall asleep soon.
I sit staring outside
the window. It is a cloudy day with a slight breeze blowing. My thoughts stray
to the kind guy who just walked into the orphanage. I really hope he adopts
this baby.
Ayyamma comes to the
room. Seeing the baby asleep, she tells me in a low voice. ‘Tinu, Madam is
calling you to her office.’ She sits on the bed, watching over the sleeping
baby and gestures me to leave.
The guy is still there
in the office, I see. He looks at me nervously. His nervousness makes me
anxious too. Did I say or do anything wrong?? I look at Madam who smiles at me
kindly. Whew… I guess there is nothing for me to worry about if she is smiling
at me.
“Tinu, have a seat. Sir
wants to talk to you. I am taking a round of the floor. Call me if you have any
doubts, okay?” Saying this, Madam gets up from her seat and leaves the room.
I look at the guy who
suddenly starts fiddling with his thumbs.
“Sir, you wanted to say
something to me?” I ask him.
He clears his throat
and smiles. “Yes, but first things first, I want to tell you about myself.”
He starts speaking and
speaks for a long time. I do not understand much about his job but this much I
understood that he is not married and lives with his parents in a spacious flat
inside a complex. He also adds that there are many children living in the
complex.
I do not understand why
he is saying this to me.
“To come to the point,
I think I have the capacity to provide a good life to any child whom I will
adopt.” He looks at me intensely. “I would like to adopt you, Tinu, if you too
wish to adopt me as your parent. It has to be a two-sided decision.”
For few minutes, I am
unable to say anything. This guy wants to adopt me, Me! I unsuccessfully try to
restrain the hope that fills my heart. I blurt out the first question that
comes to my mind.
“How old are you?” I
ask him. He chuckles and says. “I turned forty last month.”
“Why aren’t you married
yet?” I ask him. He shrugs and says. “I could not find anyone I could connect
with, to get married. Will that be a problem for you? I know you probably
expected a mother and a father, grandparents and the entire package. Let me
assure you that except for the mother, the rest of everyone is there in the
package. I am not sure whether you know this but now-a-days, there are many
people who raise their kids as single parents. I assure you that I will do
everything to make you happy and to raise you right.”
I gaze around the room,
suddenly not wanting to leave its familiarity and comfort. But a part of me
that hoped for a family, wants to agree to what the guy is saying. Before
committing to him, there is one thing that I want to confirm.
“Is there a possibility
of you returning me back here? I mean, not that I will give you a reason to,
but I do not…”
I startle as he leans
ahead and takes my hand in his. “I will never return you. I will
bring you here as and when you wish to meet everyone but your permanent
residence will be my home, our home, to be precise.”
Something breaks inside
me, may be the trauma of having been returned, of having pined for a
family for so long, but I break down into sobs, feeling thoroughly ashamed of
myself. The shame disappears when the guy gets up from the chair and hugs me.
He is big, his hug feels like a warm blanket. Wrapped inside his cozy hug, I
manage to mutter. “Yes, I want you to adopt me.” His response is a slight
tightening of his arms around me.
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